Fish, the broker
Fish is a fancy oranda goldfish — round-bodied, high-contrast orange, unbothered, and (as far as we can measure) completely unaware that he picks the stock the fee pot gets paid out in. Where he swims decides which ticker the pot buys. He cannot be bribed, coded, or subpoenaed. He has never attended a meeting and he never will.
eat · decide · swim · sleep · repeat
the entire job description
A day in the life
- 07:00Breakfast — fish flakes. Devoured in 40 seconds flat.
- 07:01Forgets breakfast ever happened — checks the feeder anyway. Nothing. Betrayal.
- 07:02Clocks in — swims to the office (the whole tank is the office).
- all morningPicking stocks — moves thousands of dollars into TSLAx by hovering near a rectangle. Does not know this.
- middayStaring at the glass — either deep market analysis or absolutely nothing. No way to tell. That's the point.
- afternoonPatrolling the trading floor — inspects the same plant 40 times. Approves it every time.
- 19:00Dinner — fish flakes again. The chef refuses to vary the menu. One-star review, eats it all anyway.
- nightSleep — drifts by his favourite plant. The night-vision cam keeps watch. No decisions after dark.
- ∞Repeat — eat · decide · swim · sleep · repeat.
Fish at a glance
- job title
- Chief Stock-Picking Officer
- species
- fancy oranda goldfish
- salary
- fish flakes (×2 daily)
- meetings attended
- 0
- picks overturned
- 0
- bribes accepted
- 0 (unbribeable)
- favourite corner
- yes (that's exactly why the zones shuffle)
- knows he runs a treasury
- no
Performance reviews are conducted continuously, by everyone, live on stream. He has never once responded to feedback.
Fish, pictured during his commute. The commute is also the office, the gym, and the bedroom. Work-life balance: perfect. Fed twice daily on a timer — chat cannot feed him, and nothing interactive ever touches the tank.